The Philippines is a culturally and linguistically diverse nation. This gives rise to several jokes! Filipino jokes are frequently about commonplace issues and humorous situations, but there are also some that are more culturally distinct.
Philippine jokes are among the world’s most amusing and well-known. They are also popular among Filipinos and serve as conversation starters.
Regarding Filipino jokes, the possibilities are limitless. Whether you’re attempting to make someone laugh or simply want to enjoy yourself, these jokes will do the trick. This list of amusing Filipino puns has something for everyone, from the obvious (such as what a Filipino’s father is) to the smart (such as how a Filipino chicken knows how to say “thank you”).
Filipino jokes
Filipino jokes are an integral part of social interaction and can be highly humorous.
Last night, I was lying on my bed, looking up at the sky and the stars.
The sky is so clear and the night is so peaceful.
Finally, I said……
“Ginoo ko !!! Asa naman among ATOP ”
I had a dream about you. Tampo ‘ko, my angel was ugly.I asked St. Peter why the cute angel mo. He replied, ” Balance of Nature.”
A husband was coming home from a confession when suddenly he lifted his wife and carried her.
Wife: Why did the priest tell you to be romantic like this?
Husband: “No, he told me to carry my cross!
If only I’m an angel, I’ll protect you, I’ll lend you my wings. I’ll keep an eye on you, but I’m no angel… pero may hawig naman… ‘DI BA?!?
With this message, I would like to thank you for being such a nice friend to me. I really appreciate your goodness and truthfulness, especially when you confirmed my… cuteness!
Teacher : Use DOES and AMEN in the sentence.
Peter: Among the birds, only the parrot DOES talk.
Teacher: Very good. Ikaw John.
When the cow DOESmag na AMONG ang lubi, John:
A girl went to a bar with her friends.
When she read the sign saying: “Below 18 not allowed”
The girl said: “Nge” !!! uli na lang ta oy… kabuok 10 ra…
An American and a Filipino conversation
An American: Is that an apple you are eating?
Filipino: Yes.
You know, in the States, only poor people eat apples.
Filipino: Oh, is that true?
Is that a banana you are eating?
American: Yes.
You know, in the Philippines, only monkeys eat bananas.
Beauty Pageant:
Judge: What if you find that your boyfriend has AIDS? What will you do and why?
Contestant: I’ll still love him.
(Everybody claps)
“Cause AIDS doesn’t matter! Thank you.”
A Chinese lady can’t speak English. At the grocery, she wanted to buy a pork leg. She showed her legs. The next day, she needed chicken breast. She showed her breast. On the third day, she brought her husband because she wanted sausage. What did she do?
Oh, dirty-minded!
Her husband can speak English!
Teacher: Arnold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking even when people are no longer interested?
Arnold: I’m a teacher!!!
Wonder girls may say,
“I want nobody, nobody but you.”
Then, the boys will reply,
“I want your body, your body, not YOU!”
True bravery is to arrive home.
Then you inquired:
“Hey mom, still cleaning?”
Funny Filipino jokes
Some Filipino puns are so hilarious that they will have you rolling on the floor with laughter. Here are a few to start you off:
Woman with a baby on a bus.
Drive: What an ugly baby!
The mother was hurt. She went to another seat.
The man next to her asked, “What’s wrong?”
Woman: The driver just insulted me.
He should give you respect! Go get his name and I.D. number. I’ll hold your monkey for you! (LOL)
Boy: “I love you!”
Girl, please stop talking.
Boy: “I want you!”
Girl, please stop talking.
Boy, I miss you!
Girl, please stop talking.
Boy: Will you marry me?
Girl: Really?”
Boy: shut up!”
Mahal Bugas (expensive rice)!!!
Jokes! Jokes! Jokes! More jokes next time!
John: Dad, there’s a girl I like. She’s beautiful. I want to go out with her.
Dad: Who?
John: The girl across the street, Nina,
Dad: Oh no, you can’t. Don’t tell Mom, but she’s your sister.
John was furious, but a week had passed and he had fallen in love again.
John: Dad, I think I’m in love. She’s prettier.
Dad: Who?
John: She lives beside our house. Her name’s Ana.
Dad: Oh son, I pity you, but you can’t date her. She’s your sister as well. I’m sorry, but it’s happened more than once.
John was furious. He decided to talk to his mother.
John: Mom, I despise your father!I can’t date the five ladies I fell in love with just because they’re all my dad’s daughters to different women.
Mom: Oh, don’t mind what your father said. You can date whoever you want; he’s not your father.
Juan asked first, “What killed you?”
“I was locked inside a fridge,” Pedro said. “I was cold and trembling, then suffocated after an hour.”
“That sucks, man,” replied Juan. “I got a heart attack and passed away.”
“What happened?
” asked Pedro.
As I got home from work, I saw another man’s shoes on our doorstep. I rushed to my wife’s room and saw her naked and trembling. I was furious and searched the whole house. I checked the rooms, cabinets, kitchen, ceiling, everywhere, but I didn’t see anyone!”, answered Juan. “After searching, my chest was hurting and I had a heart attack.”
“**DUMBASS!!!**,” Pedro exclaimed, “if you opened the fridge and drank some cold water, we’d both be alive!”
A Filipino woman and her husband, an American, wake up the morning after their wedding and decide to take a shower together. In the middle of their fun, the water cuts out (as sometimes happens in the Philippines). The wife cries out, “Ay! Walang tubig! ” (“Oh no! “No water! “in Tagalog).
The husband replies, “Babe, you’re wonderful, but if I’m being completely honest, it’s not big, it’s a little below average.”
It is common in the Philippines for families to live in one-bedroom homes.
One night, a couple wanted to make love, and so they had their child look out the window. As the couple made love, the child continued to look out the window without turning around.
When the couple was done, the father asked the child, “So, what did you see out the window?”
The child replied, “The neighbors were making love too.”
Confused, the father asked, “How could you tell?”
The child answered, “Their kid was looking at me from their window too.”
Whenever I break a promise, I just say:
“Well, you voted for a man who promised to clean up the government in three to six months! Get used to it. ”
In recognition of being half-Chinese and half-Filipino, and in recognition of AAPI month, I shall relate what happened while visiting the eye doctor. I had been having trouble seeing while driving, so I went to my eye doctor, who happens to be Asian like me. He did the usual things: the eye charts, peering into my eyes, glaucoma tests, etc. Finally, he sat back and said, “I know why you have trouble seeing while driving.” “You have a cataract.”
I replied, “Bad guess, doc.” “I have a Mercedes.”
… At the first house they go up to, a lady answers the door.
She says, “Oh how cute are you two? Let me guess what you are…
To the first kid, she says, “With your tiara and wand, you must be a princess.”
The first kid says, “Yes! I am a princess! ”
The lady says to the second kid, “With your eye patch and your sword, you must be a pirate or a buccaneer.”
The second kid looks at her funny, grabs his ears and says, “I’m a pirate…and these are my buccaneers!”
When Trump wants to repaint the White House, he asks for quotations.
Mexicans offered $3 million.
American quoted $7 million.
The Filipino offered $10 million.
Trump asked the Mexican: “How did you quote 3M?”
He replied: 1 M for paint, 1 M for labor, and 1 M for profit.
Trump asked the American
He replied: 3M for paint, 2M for labor, and 2M for profit.
Trump asked the Filipinos
He replied: 4M for you, 3M for me & we will give 3M to the Mexican and ask him to paint.
The Filipino guy got the contract!
😊😊😊😊
Corny Filipino jokes
Filipinos are unquestionably masters of the hilarious joke. Filipinos have an excellent sense of humour, regardless of whether they are making fun of their own culture or foreigners. Voici a some of our favorites:
When I die, I want to wear my sexiest outfit… because when the time comes that you will see me lying in my coffin, I want you to smile while saying “BANGIS NG GAGA, PARANG COVER GIRL.”
Who says English is easy?
You won’t believe it.
Then, in the blank, write YES or NO…
“OH ___, I am a monkey!”
See?
A gang decided to rob a bank… They opened every vault and found only cups of yogurt. So they ate it all.
The next day, on CNN news:
“THE BIGGEST SPERM BANK WAS ROBBED!”
Check out now for the best Bohol deals.
Teacher: Class, use the word “among” in a sentence.
Juan: Among the trees, coconut is the best!
Teacher: Very Good! You, Pedro?
Pedro: Among the arenola, nagbasa!
Hahahha
A cute and funny way to ask someone out.
Boy: I’m invisible!
Girl: Owwwzzz? Talaga?
Boy: Can you see me?
Girl: always naman!
Boy: 7 pm tonight?
What is love?
Love is romantic, fantastic, realistic, dramatic, and full of atik – atik(lies)… dah lage
” THE GUN…..
KAY NAAY IRO…..” Agpas ” the gun”(run) dayon
Use chocolate in a sentence.
AKO CHOCO NA LATE…
You’re a certain person I always enjoy sending
Text messages because I want you to feel that
You’ve really been a part of my expenses.
Thoughts pala, ay mali (sorry).
I may not be with you every day.
But one thing I guarantee you…
I’ll be there on your wedding day. I’m going to sit beside you while saying
“Yes.” kaon na ni…(eating time!)
Friends are like mirrors.
They are our reflections.
Busa ayaw katingala ka hitsuran…
Oh come on… friends, baya tah…
Kano: Why did you come late?
Juan: Pedro, tabangi ko English be.Ingna nagduha-duha ko kay ang adlaw hapon na.
Juan: I two-by-two walk because the sun is Japanese.
Roses are red, the skies are blue,
Monkeys, like you, should be kept in zoos.
Don’t get angry… you’ll find me there too.
Not in the cage, but laughing at you.
Praise before meals:
Bless this FOOD, this FOOD, this FOOD, this FOOD, this FOOD, this FOOD, this FOOD, this FOOD, this FOOD, this FOOD, this FOOD, this FOOD,
u gang sud-an maiguFOOD ma aFOOD-aFOOD
katawa FOOD…. hangtud ang ngipon maFOOD-FOOD….
Apo: LOLO, look at those boats…
Erap: Nice diba iho. They are called yachts.
Apo: How do you spell it?
Erap: You’re right, Iho, they’re boats.
Teacher: What will happen if the ice water turns into ice?
Student: The price, sir.
Four Catholic mothers are sitting around, bragging about their sons, each of whom is a priest.
My first mother says: My son is a monsignor, and when he walks into the room, people greet him: “Good morning, Monsignor!”
Well, my son is a bishop, and people greet him: “Good morning, your Grace!”
The third mother says: Well, my son is a cardinal and people greet him: “Good morning, you’re Eminence!”
The fourth mother pauses and says: “My son is seven feet tall and is 350 pounds of pure muscle. When he walks outside, people greet him: “Oh My God!”
Filipino one-liner jokes
Philippine one-liners are among the world’s most popular jokes. They are concise, to the point, and frequently humorous. The following are a few of our favorite Filipino one-liners:
QUESTION: Ano ang sabi ng bangus nang mamamatay na siya?
ANSWER: I’m daing (dying)!
QUESTION: What fish is unwet?
ANSWER: Eh di tuyo (tuyo)!
QUESTION: What is the oldest fish?
ANSWER: Century Tuna!
QUESTION: Where do fish work?
ANSWER: In the ofFISH! (office)
QUESTION: What fish is able to write?
ANSWER: laFISH! (lapis)
QUESTION: Anong subject ang paborito ng mga fish?
ANSWER: FISHical Education! (Physical Education)
QUESTION: What do you call a fish doctor?
ANSWER: FISHician! (Physician)
QUESTION: What fish does the shooting?
ANSWER: BANGus!
QUESTION: What fish love to flirt?
ANSWER: Fishball!
QUESTION: What fish is not thick?
ANSWER: ManiFISH (thin)!
QUESTION: What fish are floating in the water?
ANSWER: A dead fish!
QUESTION: On which subject do fish always fail?
ANSWER: FISHsics! (Physics)
QUESTION: What fish has an insect breed?
ANSWER: Eh di i-FISH (cockroach)!
QUESTION: What month is the fish fiesta?
ANSWER: On May 1, because FISH-tang Dagat.
QUESTION: Which fish buys without the Boss?
ANSWER: The o-FISH-er in charge!
QUESTION: In which country is the favorite vacation spot for fish?
ANSWER: FIN-land!
QUESTION: Why do fish go to the priest?
ANSWER: For confession (magkum-FISH-al)!
QUESTION: What do you call fake fish?
ANSWER: Arti-FISH-al (artificial)!
Filipino question and answer jokes in English
In the Philippines, there are several jokes in both Tagalog and English. Filipinos enjoy joking about and having a good time, therefore these jokes can be found throughout the country. Some of these jokes may not be suitable for all audiences; therefore, it is necessary to be aware of what is and is not acceptable before sharing them with others. Here are few Filipino jokes that are both entertaining and instructive:
QUESTION: Why is the calendar lucky?
ANSWER: Because he has a lot of dates.
QUESTION: Why is the calendar sad?
ANSWER: Because his days are numbered.
QUESTION: What tree can’t be climbed?
ANSWER: The one who fell!
QUESTION: What is the similarity between UTOT (fart) and TULA (poem)?
ANSWER: They both come from POET (ass).
QUESTION: What can you do in the NIGHT that you can’t do in the MORNING?
ANSWER: WATCH (awake).
QUESTION: What is the difference between Biology and Sociology?
ANSWER: When the baby looks like the father, it’s Biology. If your baby looks like your neighbor, that’s Sociology.
QUESTION: There were three men who jumped into the water. How many got their hair wet?
ANSWER: None. They are all bald.
QUESTION: What vehicle has multiple riders, jeepneys or ambulances?
ANSWER: Of course, the ambulance! After all, the jeepney has only 10-10 passengers on each side, while there are often 50-50
passengers in the ambulance.
QUESTION: Why are vampires awake all night?
ANSWER: Because they are studying for their blood test!
QUESTION: What do you get from a pig that is good at karate?
ANSWER: PORKCHOP!
QUESTION: What does the doctor give to the sick bird?
ANSWER: TWEETMENT!
QUESTION: What’s more disgusting to the worm you’ve seen on your fruit?
ANSWER: It’s the half worm! pwe! pwe! pwe!
QUESTION: What does the young ant call his mother’s sister?
ANSWER: ANTY!
QUESTION: What thing starts with a T and ends with a T and also has a T inside?
ANSWER: TEAPOT!
QUESTION: What is the laziest letter in the English alphabet?
ANSWER: Letter E, because it’s always on the BED!
QUESTION: What happens when you drop a red hat into the blue sea?
ANSWER: The hat will get wet!
QUESTION: How do you divide the sea in two?
ANSWER: Use SEASAW!
QUESTION: Where are the sheep sheared?
ANSWER: Baa-baa (barber) shop!
QUESTION: What is the tallest building in the world?
ANSWER: The library, because there are many STORIES there!
QUESTION: What room has no wall and door?
ANSWER: MUSHROOM!
QUESTION: What is the medicine for pig skin wounds?
ANSWER: OINKMENT!
QUESTION: Why are fish easy to weigh?
ANSWER: Because they have their own SCALES!
QUESTION: What’s the astronaut’s favorite bread filling?
ANSWER: LAUNCHEON meat!
QUESTION: What is Jollibee’s car called?
ANSWER: BEE-M-W!
QUESTION: What is the common ailment of martial arts champions?
ANSWER: KUNG FLU!
QUESTION: Where do vampires deposit?
ANSWER: BLOOD BANK!
QUESTION: What do cats eat every morning?
ANSWER: MICE KRISPIES!
QUESTION: Where do dogs leave their car?
ANSWER: In the BARKING LOT!
QUESTION: What vegetable knows how to play billiards?
ANSWER: CUE-CUMBER!
QUESTION: What TV show do ducks watch?
ANSWER: DUCKUMENTARIES!
QUESTION: What is Dracula’s favorite sport?
ANSWER: BAT-MINTON!
QUESTION: What ring has a square shape?
ANSWER: BOXING RING!
QUESTION: What kind of key can open a banana?
ANSWER: MONKEY!
QUESTION: What is MMDA’s favorite bread filling?
ANSWER: TRAFFIC JAM!
QUESTION: Why does grandma’s rocking chair have to be wheeled?
ANSWER: So he can rock and roll!
QUESTION: What did the fish say when he was sliced in the middle?
ANSWER: I’m tuna (two).
Also Check:
- 150+ Jokes On Short People That Will Make You Laugh
- 150+ Yo Mama Jokes for Kids That Make Anyone Laugh
Conclusion
In conclusion, Filipino jokes are a terrific method to connect with and laugh with someone from the Philippines. The majority of these jokes focus on cultural differences, but they are all worth a try. As a Filipino-American, I find it wonderful that others see our commonalities and share these jokes with us. Now, go on and have some fun!