Uncle jokes have been a staple of American society for decades. They are frequently used to cheer someone up, and they may be rather humorous. Some of the most entertaining uncle jokes are family-specific, while others are more generic. No of their specifics, all uncle jokes have the same purpose: to make us laugh.
Jokes on Uncle are one of the most prevalent genres of humor, and they are typically rather amusing. They can be used to generate laughter or to provoke thought. Additionally, Uncle Jokes are a terrific method to connect with others.
Uncle Jokes
Uncle jokes may be very entertaining. They can be used to make others laugh, as well as to express affection. Uncle jokes frequently involve common knowledge, making them simple to utilise. Additionally, they are a terrific way to break the ice and initiate conversation.
My Uncle has a coal fetish.
It’s why he likes to bang miners.
I learned a few things today.
- I’m gonna be a dad!
- I’m gonna be an uncle!
- My sister is not on the pill.
I just got a repressed memory foam mattress.
It holds me just like my uncle used to.
I asked my dad why he doesn’t make any dad jokes
He told me he leaves those to my uncle.
Political opinions are like dicks….
Sometimes they lean left, sometimes they lean right, and nobody likes it when your crazy uncle whips his out at Thanksgiving dinner.
Every family has that weird, slightly perverted uncle.
Not me, though! I just have some really hot nieces who won’t let me buy them beer.
Paddy Englishman, Irishman, and Scotsman are discussing how great their uncles are
Paddy Scotsman says “my uncle is a priest, when he walks down the road everyone nods and say, father”
“That’s nothing,” says Paddy Englishman, “My uncle is a bishop, when he walks down the road everyone BOWS and says, your grace”. Not to be outdone, Paddy Irishman looks at them both and laughs. “My uncle weighs over 400lbs (200kg). When he walks down the road everyone says JESUS CHRIST!”.
My Uncle always said, “Do something you love and you’ll never work a day in your life!”
He did heroin
Dear people who don’t write capital letters,
We’re the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.
My uncle used to always say, “it’s the journey not the destination that matters”.
Nice guy, horrible pilot.
I just read somewhere that capitalization is the difference between “I helped my uncle Jack off a horse” and “i helped my uncle jack off a horse”.
Well, that’s embarrassing. Now everyone thinks my uncle’s name is Jack.
Uncle came over for Christmas and told me this wisdom: “Forget the future, you cannot predict it. Forget the past, you cannot change it.”
“And forget the present, I didn’t get you one.”
My uncle runs a clinic inside a hotel in Spain
He comes out late at night to ring people’s doorbells.
Because nobody suspects The Spanish Inn Physician
All my family is police officers. Except for my uncle who is a bank robber.
He died recently, surrounded by his family.
My childhood was effectively over at 11.
That’s when the bars closed and my uncle came home.
My uncle got shot by a stray bullet. By some miracle, he had a bible in his jacket pocket.
So he had something to read as he bled to death.
My uncle always hated eating mushrooms…
…but now that he’s dead, they’re beginning to grow on him.
Been in Jail for 5 minutes and I’ve already been raped twice…
I really need to stop playing monopoly with my uncle.
I’ll never forget the last words my uncle said to me before he passed…
– “Stop shaking the ladder, you little shit!”
My uncle drank a whole bottle of wood varnish
– He had a horrible death but a lovely finish
Did you hear about what happened your sweaty uncle?
– He has a wife now, and her name is Aunty Perspirant
My uncle is like a good love story
– Very touching
Why do they have fences around cemeteries?
– Because everyone is dying to get in.
I just read somewhere that capitalization is the difference between “I helped my uncle Jack off a horse” and “i helped my uncle jack off a horse”.
– Well that’s embarrassing. Now everyone thinks my uncle’s name is Jack.
My Mexican uncle takes anti-anxiety medication
– It’s for Hispanic attacks
My dad had an ischemic stroke, and my uncle had a hemorrhagic stroke
– You know what they say: different strokes for different folks!
My uncle picked me up from school during recess today!
– My mom never told me about him, but it’s nice to finally meet him!
Do you know that show naked and afraid? It reminds me of a game I played with my uncle.
– It’s a joke! I know it’s dark. Sorry.
I used to be an Uncle like you…
…Until I took an arrow to the niece.
What’s the similarity between skid marks and my uncle?
– you can find both in my boxers
My uncle died yesterday because we didn’t know what blood type he was…
He kept saying B positive, but it’ll be really hard without him.
My uncle was the first man to be fitted with a lead pacemaker. He died last week.
We buried him with a heavy heart.
There was a guy who was terrible at naming thing …
His dog was named dog, his cat was named cat and so on. One day, the man’s sister was having twins and in a long family tradition, the babies uncle had to chose the names. Absolutely mortified, the twin girl and boy were born and it was time;
What did you choose for the girl?
Denise
Oh man, that’s not so bad. What did you choose for the boy?
Denephew
My uncle drank a whole bottle of wood varnish
He had a horrible death but a lovely finish
All three of my uncles used to grow weeds together
It was a joint effort.
PETA should respect Steve Irwin
PETA should respect Steve Irwin by eating him and using all his parts, not letting anything go to waste.
That’s how my uncle, a hunter, explains “respect” anyway.
Darth Vader built an entire Galactic Empire…
Wearing protective gear in a sanitary environment.
But it was all destroyed by a whiny brat without a mask who refused to stay home with his aunt and uncle.
Did you know cucumbers improve your memory?
My uncle put one in me when I was a kid and I still haven’t forgotten.
My father was a conjoined twin so his brother was …
Uncle on my father’s side
Aunt Ruth went missing
It turned out she was kidnapped and murdered before my uncle could pay the ransom. He went on a rampage, finding and slaughtering every last man who participated in kidnapping her, even going so far as to torture some of them. You could say he was…..
Ruthless
I used to be an Uncle like you…
…Until I took an arrow to the niece.
My drunk uncle is Santa Claus
– He breaks into my house and drinks all the milk and snacks. Then, he unloads his sack all over the living room.
My uncle’s wife is a centimeter tall, has six legs, and is always on edge.
– I guess you could say she’s a little a(u)nt-sy.
At my cousin’s birthday party, I held up a photo of my uncle and said “It’s amazing how you look just like your father did at 40!”
– That’s the last quinceañera I get invited to.
30 years ago my uncle stole my nose, and he hasn’t given it back.
-Lord Voldemort
It’s like my uncle always said: “The day I can’t do my job drunk…”
“…is the day I hand in my badge and gun.”
All three of my uncles used to grow weeds together
– It was a joint effort.
My uncle was in a terrible accident and lost the entire left side of his body.
– He’s all right, now.
When my uncle Frank died, he wanted his remains to be buried in his favorite beer mug
– His last wish was to be Frank in Stein
My uncle is such a great businessman that he made $6 million in profits this year
– He works in a non-profit organization
My Uncle has a coal fetish.
– It’s why he likes to bang miners.
Well, would you?
– If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?
I’m trying to get my aunt and uncle to buy a donkey…
– But I don’t wanna be an ass
My uncle once got his DeLorean up to 88 mph and ended up 30 years in the future.
– That’s how long he got for hitting all those people at the bus stop.
My Uncle says that if you do something you love then you’ll never work a day in your life
– as he rolled yet another joint.
Joke from my great uncle: You know that movie “Constipation” that was supposed to come out this year?
– It didn’t.
I wanted to invest some money into my uncle’s Indian restaurant
– He said: it’s naan of your business
Did you hear they are changing Uncle Ben’s Logo?
– Everyone thought it was the richest.
I just got a repressed memory foam mattress.
– It holds me just like my uncle used to.
Your uncle had some really crazy reasons for joining the railroad.
– Locomotives.
I’m from Alabama and I don’t appreciate all the jokes Reddit makes about my home state. I told my dad, my uncle, and my grandpa about it.
– When he found out he was madder than hell
My uncle went to prison for stealing a board game
– He got life.
All my family are police officers. Except for my uncle who is a bank robber.
– He died recently, surrounded by his family.
My uncle once had a 24-hour epileptic episode.
– Now that’s what I call seizing the day.
My Uncle did a magic trick today.
– He turned a six-pack of beer into domestic home violence.
My uncle always inspired me because he used to do what he loved.
– Me.
My childhood was effectively over at 11.
– That’s when the bars closed and my uncle came home.
My favorite joke from The Sopranos
A man comes home with a bouquet of flowers for his wife. “What? Do you expect me to spread my legs for you now?” says the wife. The husband replies, “honey, I love you, but i think a vase will work just fine.”
Credit to Uncle Jun.
It’s like my uncle always said: “The day I can’t do my job drunk…”
“…is the day I hand in my badge and gun.”
Ant-Man?
Why don’t they just call him uncle?
I’m sorry to hear that your uncle was killed by a boat in Venice…
My gondolences.
My uncle survived a fall of 39 stories off a building
Unfortunately, he fell off the 40th story.
What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush. (Credit to my uncle)
From an English Professor.
“In the world of hi-tech gadgetry, I’ve noticed that more and more people who send text messages and emails have long forgotten the practice of using capital letters.
The use of capitals, known as capitalization, is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse.
Is everybody clear on that ?”
Just found out my alcoholic uncle is into necrophilia
Gives a whole new meaning to ‘cracking open a cold one.’
Why is it quicker to build a snowman than a snowwoman?
It takes too long to hollow out her head.
(I got this one from my uncle)
My transgender uncle is a superhero…
We call him Aunt-Man.
Uncle Bill always gave 100%
Son: How did he die, Dad?
Dad: He donated blood.
A redneck finds out his girlfriend is a virgin…
A redneck finds out his girlfriend is a virgin. Upon hearing this, he stands up, turns away from her, and leaves without a word.
Later, when his buddies at the bar ask what went wrong, he explains…
“If she ain’t good enough for her daddy, her uncle, her brother, and her cousin, she ain’t good enough for me!!”
“Have I mentioned in the will?” the nephew asked anxiously.
“You certainly are”, replied the lawyer.
Right here in the third paragraph, your uncle says:
To my niece Sarah I bequeath a hundred thousand dollars,
to my cousin Janice fifty thousand dollars,
and to my nephew Charles, who was always curious to know if he was mentioned in my will, I say “Hi, Charles”
My uncle is an idiot. He saw a commercial that said, “9 out of 10 accidents happen within a mile of your home.”
So he up and moved
Hey, my name is Nathan and I’m 12 years old:) I was wondering if there was a dating site for only 12 year olds and under…
I’m not asking for myself!! My uncle was wondering
I used to be an Uncle like you…
…Until I took an arrow to the niece.
Funny Uncle Jokes
jokes for the uncle that are hilarious are a terrific approach to make everyone laugh. They can be used to break the ice at parties or gatherings, or simply for fun. They are also an excellent approach to demonstrate to your pals how well you know them.
My uncle always said “when one door closes another door opens”
– Great guy, terrible kitchen fitter.
My uncle spent £250,000 on a new limousine and later found out the price does not include a driver
– To think he spent all that money and has nothing to chauffeur it!
My uncle’s zodiac sign was Cancer, which was ironic because he died
– from being crushed by a giant crab.
What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
– A genealogist looks up the family tree, and a gynecologist looks up the family bush. (Credit to my uncle)
Did you know cucumbers improve your memory?
– My uncle put one in me when I was a kid and I still haven’t forgotten.
My uncle used to be a rare coin dealer…
– Until a group of crooks broke into his shop & beat him ‘cent-less’
I dispute those studies that claim people often die from smoking.
– My uncle smoked, and he only died once.
Political opinions are like dicks….
– Sometimes they lean left, sometimes they lean right, and nobody likes it when your crazy uncle whips his out at Thanksgiving dinner.
My dad was born with a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them.
I have an uncle, once removed.
I told my teenage niece to go get me a phone book…
She laughed at me and said
“Oh, uncle J you’re so old. Just use my phone.”
So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.
I bought a cheese grater for my blind uncle…
…he said it was the most violent thing he ever read.
Why do they have fences around cemeteries?
Because everyone is dying to get in.
In memory of my Uncle David RIP. He would always tell this joke
Mama and Papa Bear are getting divorced…
and the Judge is asking Baby Bear who he wishes to live with. “So, is it Mama or Papa?” the Judge asks.
“Mama and Papa beat me,” says Baby Bear.
“Well do you have any other relatives?” asked the Judge.
“I have an uncle in Chicago,” replies Baby Bear.
“Does he beat you too?” asks the Judge.
“Naww,” says Baby Bear. “The Chicago Bears don’t beat anybody.”
Don’t forget capital letters…
In the world of high-tech gadgetry, more and more people who send text messages and emails have forgotten the art of capital letters.
For those of you who fall into this category, please take note of the following statement:
“Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse.”
My Uncle said this now that there are two popes
Two popes walk into a bar with Yankee caps on.
The bartender says, “Didn’t you guys use to be Cardinals?”
I tried to be a tap dancer
but I kept falling into the sink!
(thank you, British uncle ken for that dry humor)
What is the one thing Spiderman can’t eat?
Uncle Bens’s rice.
A bad math joke I came up with
A little boy sees something way up in the sky and runs to his mom to ask her what it is. She points the boy to his father and tells him to ask him so the boy runs over to his father and asks what is in the sky. The father can’t answer either but points the boy to his uncle saying he should be able to help. The boy runs over to his uncle but his uncle doesn’t have an answer either and just points the boy back to his mother, the boy then knows what is in the sky.
So I sold my guitar…
I sold my guitar to a man with no hands.
So I said to him: “So how are you gonna work that then?”
He shrugged and said: “I’ll play it by ear.”
All Gratuities are payable towards My Uncle Chris.
5-year-old cousin with this one: Who lives in the greenhouse?
Me: I don’t know
Her: The green guy! Who lives in the red house?
Me: The red guy
Her: Yes! Who lives in the blue house?
Me: The blue guy
Her: Yeah! Who lives in the yellow house?
Me: The yellow guy
Her: Who lives in the white house?
[Now since I’ve heard this “riddle” before, I knew the trick answer. I was ready to answer The President! when my uncle blurted out:]
The black guy!!
My uncle used to counterfeit pennies…
My uncle used to counterfeit pennies out of real copper but got copper poisoning. At least, we think that’s what happened because one day he just stopped making sense.
After 37 years I’m finally ready to retire with $5,000,000 I’ve accumulated through hard work, careful saving, living a life of simple means…
…and the death of an uncle who left me $4,999,996.50
My Mexican uncle takes anti-anxiety medication
It’s for Hispanic attacks
My Aunt Jill was an English teacher who taught me so many important lessons like….
Always use very precise language or you could be misunderstood.
I remember it vividly because we were at their farm and I was helping my uncle Jack off a horse as she was telling me that.
I had an uncle who worked circumcising elephants
The pay wasn’t great, but the tips were enormous!
Proper Grammar, Guys
Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.
We were at a family dinner last night, and at one point my Uncle Bob stood up and declared, I’m gay and I don’t care who knows it!
He must have been really drunk because he’s been married to my Uncle Tony for six years now.
•••
Happy National Coming Out Day!
My Mexican uncle takes anti-anxiety pills.
They’re to stop Hispanic attacks
The teacher said Little Timmy, do you believe that you have a fairy godmother?
Little Timmy said I’m not sure, but I’ve got an uncle we keep an eye on.
My uncle prayed to God to solve all his family’s problems
God answered his prayers.
My uncle’s funeral is next week.
I’ll never forget the last words my uncle said to me before he passed…
“Stop shaking the ladder, you little shit!”
I took my 8-year-old niece to the zoo last week…
..we were walking around the various cages and enclosures when all of a sudden she yells, Look Uncle John! It’s a frickin’ Elephant!
I was shocked and slightly angry, as everybody was looking at us. What did you just call it? I asked.
It’s a frickin’ Elephant, it says so on the picture! she said, … and so it did, A F R I C A N Elephant.
Also Read:
- 100+ Filipino Jokes that will Blow Your Mind! + (Q & A Jokes)
- 150+ Jokes On Short People That Will Make You Laugh
- 150+ Yo Mama Jokes for Kids That Make Anyone Laugh
Conclusion
In conclusion, we can see that Uncle jokes are simply an attempt to make people laugh and have a good time. They can be a terrific approach to initiate discussion and learn more about someone. Therefore, if you’re seeking a nice laugh, don’t overlook uncle jokes!
